Life Hurts Sometimes

As a continuing high school student, I've had big dreams in mind. From Geologist, to Marine Biologist, to Writer, to Teacher, I've wanted to be something great. Who hasn't? But there's always something that gets in the way. For me, like many people, it was Depression. It's been around for long enough now, it's like a familiar friend. It most certainly does not help with my dreams.

It hit in middle school, following me to where I am now, and it is a persistent little parasite. Bullying never made any victim  feel good, and my case is no different. It started with just one boy who thought it'd be fun, and spread to the entire school deciding I was a fat girl that had no future, no purpose. The teachers became my closest allies. Along the way, it's destroyed my self-confidence, my relationships with people around me, and my faith in Christ, which used to mean everything to me. I cannot count anymore the times mental scars through myself became physical, and how many times I tried to leave it all behind. I've been told I look like a broken etch-a-sketch. Depression is monster I don't wish on anyone. In high school, it destroyed my grades, my work ethic becoming a near zero, and not finding the strength to do anything, nonetheless spend 4 hours on my various schoolwork. My dreams started fading, I began hating the sciences, maths, basically everything except English, because writing became my salvation, posting poetry online for people to read and say, "I'm in the same place. I understand." That too faded from interest, I stopped writing. I learned that life hurts.

I have yet to gain a valiant story as to how I became my own knight in shining armor, slaying the towering beast of nagging voices and hateful words. I'm working on it though. Freshman year I got a therapist. She listens to me, and actually gives helpful exceptions, despite what a lot of people tend to think, they do give a crap about you. I also found a group at school that supports me when I'm sad, mad, or fine. I went back to church, and found myself friends in my Youth Group leaders and members, weekend camps being holy retreats that help me get closer to God. I found faith. The biggest thing I've done is make myself happy with me. I lost weight, got rid of acne, got braces, and changed my hairstyle until I reached a point that I could feel happy just being me. And that changed so much on it's own.

I'm happy with me!

While I still have yet to heal completely, I am on my way. With medication being a hopeful in the near future, I expect a turn around. I found fire to fight in my family, my church, my friends. Despite what I used to think, life hurts only sometimes. Not always.